Privileges and Opportunites

We had been to a football coaching club this evening. Apparently, Vigyan wants to learn playing football. The thing is, the whole affair is rather pricey. A good Rs. 4000 is the base monthly fees, excluding the football gear, the arrangements for getting him to the club and bringing him back etc. etc.

We have absolutely no issues enrolling our kid in a football coaching club. We aren't super rich, but this money is comfortably within our means. Yet, this business of burning a few tens of thousands just because our child has said he wants to join a club seems to conflict with something deep within; and it's not just stinginess.

In my childhood, many of these opportunities didn't exist for us, even if we showed great talent and passion in a pursuit. I never went to an art class except what was available in our school curriculum which was not much. Had I got even an inkling that music would become such an important part of me in my adulthood, I would at least have considered asking my parents to get me some basic training in it. Had I asked for such a thing, it was unlikely that I would have got it. But, the fact is, the idea itself never crossed my mind. I developed my passion for reading through books borrowed from the libraries in our school and neighbourhood. The concept of creating a personal collection of books came into existence much after I left my parents' home. And then there were myriad other pursuits which I never explored. The same applies almost exactly to my wife's case.

At what level of economic privilege should we bring up our child? He already studies in a school many families can't afford. But there are more expensive schools. We already mix socially with people who wouldn't consider such a school good enough for their kids. He eats food, he wears clothes, he has access to infotainment, which is inaccessible to a vast majority of kids of this planet. None of these are based on his merit. Some of these advantages conveniently can be attributed to the economic capacity of the family he is born into. And yet, some -- like this football club thing -- are hard to decide.

We want to bring up a child who is compassionate, appreciates the difference between what's earned with sweat and what's been inherited as a privilege. How can we do that if most of what he experiences through his childhood is merely a privilege and not his entitlement? We don't want to bring up a hypocrite who is good at speaking about sharing and caring in social circles, but deep down thinks differently and clings to his privileges as critical resources to live a life he desires. Compassion, equality, respect for human qualities over economic and social status, should be active elements in his thought process. They should influence his decisions and choices in a practical way. This must include not just directly materialistic things like money, physical comfort and luxuries, but even more abstract things like access to opportunities, the number of attempts allowed before one demonstrates passion and talent in a pursuit. How expensive a school should a child study in? How many opportunities should he get before the parents put down their foot and demand that he show some seriousness and sensitivity about the amount of resources that are being spent to afford him these opportunities.

Of course, expecting a child to earn his rights from day one is a ridiculously idealistic thought. Some amount of austerity in approach is definitely healthy. But it's hard to decide when we are stretching it so far that it ends up stunting his development.

I have no answers to this question. And I worry a lot about it. 

One may be tempted to dismiss the entire thing -- this discomfort that I feel -- on the basis of the vast difference between the economic conditions of our child's childhood and ours. May be it's just culture shock, generation gap. May be I am being old school. May be I am thinking too much.

But I wouldn't be easily convinced if someone takes a stance of having figured it all out without any trouble. Options like 'spend how much you can afford', or 'spend what you feel like spending', are too naive and subjective. I think, the conundrum is more real than that. And acknowledging its presence is at least better than feigning absolute clarity about it up front.

One thing I have done off late is not to hide this worry, this lack of clarity, from our son. Without embittering little nuggets of affection, I have been trying to sensitise him about the difference between privileges and entitlements. I hope I am not doing too early, or too late. I hope I don't overdo it. I hope he gets it.