International Men's Day 2024

This is an ordinary member of human species. He is upper caste, belonging to the religious majority. He had a small town lower middle class upbringing and struggled unduly (though not the most) against lack of resources, information and finances to bring himself up in life. But since has spent much of adult life in large Indian cities, enjoying a middle-middle class economic status. He is English educated, digitally enabled. In his organisation, his role by default gives him 'a position of power'.

And he is male.

Ancestors of his caste enjoyed great privilege in society and wreaked unimaginable atrocities on people of lower caste. His country has been drifting towards reinforcing the privileges already enjoyed by the members of his majority religion, in the name of protecting the national heritage against real and imaginary foes out to get them and their glorious past. His digital ability, his access to English and his residence in a teeming metropolis give him much more access to information, collaborators and other resources to further widen the gaps between him and his fellows who may be a little less fortunate than him.

And he is male. Individuals of his type, for millennia, enjoyed incredible privileges, and caused inhuman suffering the other half of the human population. Right from small restrictions at home to political and religious rules, all were bent over time to strengthen this privilege, creating such distances and deep chasm between the two genders than any amount of effort to bridge that today is dwarfed by its enormity and depth.

And yet, he spends most of his waking hours in service. He teaches youngsters all day, not just professional skills, but ethical dispositions, like compassion and empathy. He worries about the havoc humans are wreaking on the planet -- men and women and all alike -- and tries to lead a minimalistic life, with unrealistic hopes but no presumptions that his puny efforts to saving the environment will contribute to reversing all the damage around him. He struggles to understand how women have been subjugated and discriminated against all these millennia when he finds them almost completely similar to men -- in intelligence, capability and of course meanness! In fact, he probably has more female friends and male. His students, his collaborators -- are as many women as man. And he and other well-meaning men like him in his organisation tremble under a not-at-all-imaginary threat of being wrongly implicated by POSH related policies, which, while unavoidable, are regularly weaponised by a section of disgruntled students against their teachers to settle scores. While the number of people who do this may be really tiny, the terror it creates indiscriminately affects almost all, just like rapes, molestation and eve-teasing. So, he and his likes understand what it is to lose the dignity that's earned (the only real earning for many like him) through a lifetime of good conduct, because of a freak accident or by an act of false defamation. In truth, he respects creatures of his and other species (including having voluntarily given up the practice of eating 'definitely sentient' animals early in his life). He is known in his circles to treat all -- men, women, non-humans, English speaking or otherwise, rich or poor, his nationality, religion or caste and others -- with equal respect, compassion and warmth. Quite against the stereotypes, he is not into sports, doesn't enjoy boisterous talk after getting drunk, is not crazy about cars and gadgets. Though he sometimes joins parties, he prizes his solitude. He loves the company of his family and is thoroughly 'domesticated'! He doesn't have specific colour choices, enjoys music, art and literature. He is very sentimental about relations, particularly friendship. Beautiful memories, thoughts, sounds and sights sometimes make his eyes wet.

And yet he is male, though not at all an alpha one. He is just an ordinary human being. And he is not a bad guy!

On this International Men's Day, let's resolve to try and set the statistics aside when interacting with an individual. Let's just try and treat people as people. When you say something mean to one man, e.g. 'Men are aggressive', 'men have fragile ego', 'women are more meticulous/organised/disciplined', 'men dominate in meetings', 'men only care about sex', 'what do men know about being discriminated against?' and hundred other things, are you sure you are not being biased and unfair to an individual, who come in all shapes and sizes; and thus going against exactly the principles of equality you are fighting for? Don't make the mistake of using statistics -- which are very useful but only on populations -- to hurt, dominate, persecute or demonise individuals. Because if we are serious about setting the statistics right, there's only one way that's gonna happen, when we work together as equal allies.

And guys (not all, but most of those I closely know)! You are doing fine. Though you are what you are notwithstanding anything, know that most women love you the way you are. Keep up the good work! Hold your head high. And uphold the values and virtues taught by elders (truth, compassion, mutual respect, fairness, honesty, simplicity, modesty, pursuit of excellence etc.) even higher. They are timeless and genderless.

And Happy International Men's Day!

Related post: Excesses of Feminism

A Harrowing Experience with our Medical Establishments

I will remember the entire former part of 2024 as an extremely busy episode for me. While it was partly caused due to professional commitments, the biggest contributor was my mom's health related issues. During the nearly 3 months she spent with us in Bangalore, we must have been in and out of various hospitals and clinics as many as 30 times. Probably more. This involved general health checkups, dental procedure, cataract surgery and gall bladder removal, all in the midst of an unrelenting professional routine. It left me completely drained.

But what I want to write about here is not the prolonged episode concerning my mom's case, but the brief one that followed it, concerning my wife.

All the necessary treatments and examinations had been done. My mom visibly looked better than when she had joined us in March. I was exhausted, but ready to heave sigh of relief, satisfaction, and even feel slightly proud of myself for having level-headedly handled the process. That's also when I was saying words full of praises about how professional the Narayana health system is: it's expensive, a bit too elaborate. But it instils trust in the heart of the patients and their caregivers.

That's when, one day, Shilpi, my wife, started getting high fever and vomiting accompanied with severe headache. Her BP readings were worryingly low. Our relative, who is a doctor, prescribed some antibiotics and other medicines, but also suggested that we shouldn't wait too long before we visited the hospital, if the BP readings didn't improve.

Our regular place to go in all health-related cases is the Narayana Clinic on Neeladri Road, Electronics City. It was a weekend and Narayana Clinic was closed. By Saturday afternoon, Shilpi's fever showed no signs of abetting, and she was almost screaming and delirious because of headache. It was a panic situation. And we headed off to Cauvery Hospital, a corporate hospital of significant scale and repute. We were taken in the emergency ward.

They put Shilpi on drip and started tracking her vitals. They also were pushing some drugs through IV, likely to bring down her fever and headache. There was a ward doctor handling the case. I still think all this was quite regular and the reasonable course of treatment in the given situation.

While they were still exploring the further course of treatment, we thought it right to mention a particular condition Shilpi had been suffering from for the last couple of months. Her prolactin levels had been found to be higher than normal a month or two before, and she was under medication for that. We shared this piece of information with the doctor in all good faith, assuming that more information is always better than less. However, this piece of information seemed to throw the whole diagnosis and treatment into a completely different direction. Suddenly, all symptoms started indicating a somewhat serious medical condition called prolactinoma - a tumour in the pituitary gland. An immediate MRI was suggested. Against meek and helpless protests from me, within an hour or so, Shilpi was undergoing head MRI scan! I will not easily forget those silent desolate hours I spent all by myself outside the radiology room wondering 'What just happened?'.

We came back home by around 11 pm. Shilpi's fever and headache had come down for now, most likely because of the medicines. The night went by uneventfully. We had our appointment with the hospital's neurologist the next day. So, we visited the hospital the next morning, collected our MRI reports and saw the neurologist. She said that there was nothing worrisome found in the scan. However, she thought, and sounded so confident, that it was migraine. She prescribed some migraine medicines. Great!

As for actions on our side, we were not yet done. Another symptom Shilpi was suffering in the day or two was some difficulty in passing urine. Next day, Monday, we visited our regular family doctor in Narayana Clinic. On hearing the entire story, our doctor ruled out migraine. Because of the urine retention, he suggested undergoing ultrasound scan of stomach. A blood test was also prescribed. Or were these suggested by the neurologist? I realise now that I am losing track of some of the details. However, I do remember the highlights.

The US scan report showed swelling in gall bladder. And some issues with the liver. The doctor said that these add up to a clear diagnosis of urosepsis -- that starts with a urinary tract infection which affects the kidneys, and eventually sends the body's immune system on an overdrive whereby it starts attacking the body itself, another serious medical condition which could turn potentially fatal. The doctor said that we should watch for symptoms like difficulty in breathing and tightness around chest. These would indicate that the condition is worsening. Otherwise, if things went well, the current course of antibiotics (suggested right in the beginning by our doctor relative) was adequate.

That night -- or rather the following early morning around 4 am -- Shilpi woke up saying she was feeling tightness around her chest and some difficulty in breathing. That was a meltdown moment for me! I panicked completely and didn't know what to do. I froze. We didn't do anything. Just slept away the remaining hours of the night.

The next day, we visited the doctor again. I think, by now the blood reports were in. So, the new diagnosis was dengue! We were sent back home with some medicines to help her urine retention and very little instructions. Rest. Check your platelet count every other day. We did that for the next couple of days. The platelet counts held up through the next few days eventually starting to rise. Shilpi had started feeling better, though suffering from acute weakness for a few days. Though, dengue was itself a serious enough medical condition, thankfully, it didn't take us all the way down this time. The worst was behind us!

An ordinary fever/headache to prolactinoma to migraine to urosepsis to dengue! It was a long circuitous route through series of misdiagnoses. But it still left our pockets lighter by thousands of rupees due to an MRI scan which, now I feel, was completely unnecessary. I would say that it was forced on us at a moment of panic and helplessness. And let's not even talk about the extreme anxiety all this caused us.

I don't want to name or shame anyone, especially the doctors involved.  I don't think that there is any question to be raised on the competence of the doctors involved. But I would like to ask them if all this was done right. Is this how our modern medical system is supposed to help patients? Is the extreme and protracted episode of anxiety that we tolerated unavoidable? Why so many misdiagnoses? Retrospectively, we can say many things. But aren't doctors supposed to help us reduce our suffering, instead of merely theorising about them retrospectively, and that too sitting on piles of prohibitively expensive tests?

It was a harrowing experience. I have tremendous respect for the medical profession and doctors. I have seen many times in my life how doctors have gone well beyond their call of duty and acted like angels in moments of suffering, being epitomes of integrity and capability. Yet, this expensive and ineffective process is clearly not a success, and I want to call it out without malice to anyone. I hope, members of the medical community will take heed of my humble appeal. I don't want to make allegations without having adequate proofs. But all this smells heavily of corruption too. Somehow, incentives all all medical establishments are stacked up in favour of pushing patients through expensive treatments. Doctors, though by themselves not corrupt, are probably under pressure from their employers to push for inefficient and unnecessarily expensive examinations and treatments. Anecdotal evidences are in plenty. They all can't be false!

I have nothing to say. It's saddening!

Excesses of Feminism

Why is a feminist publicly correcting me that a word I use -- I swear -- without an intent to be patronising or sexist, but which feminists have (arbitrarily) decided to tag as patronising or sexist, not considered patronising and insulting? You can't argue on logical grounds for a minute why such a rule exists. Yet, you consider it your duty and right to act as a police who enforces this rule on public. Why?

On the one hand, they want us to use gender neutral pronouns (they, zhe) or both versions of pronouns (e.g. he/she). On the other hand, they start using the male version of the word as gender neutral and deprecate the female version of the word as sexist. If both male and female versions of pronouns should be used, why should we deprecate the female version of a noun as sexist?! This is inconsistent, arbitrary and illogical tailormade to psyche logical people out of their wits! The message is clear: You can't use your logical reasoning if you want to sound politically correct. You are at our mercy, because we will set rules at will and you will follow them. Fall in line and endure insults or get called out!

These days, we come across increasingly large number of people who consider themselves the guardians of arbitrary codes of conduct and speech set into force by some feminist intellectuals. In the process, they act like they may correct others anytime on things they consider against their taste. Like many other things, such codes of speech are things people have to follow, not so much because they see any sense in them, but because of the fear of being called out and bullied by the militant factions of feminism.

By all means, let's protect women's rights. They are still raped and abused. Let's stop it. They are discriminated against. Let's stop it. They are killed in their mother's womb, prevented from going to school or taking up a profession. These need to change. And we should all actively fight against these ills.

But stop bullying well-meaning people in their day-to-day functioning by enforcing arbitrary and inconsistent codes of speech which do nothing beyond giving you a false sense of power. In the process, you are pissing off well-meaning and genuinely good people who would be happy allies if you didn't daily insult their common sense. In the long run, you are losing friends and earning enemies. This is going to come back and bite everyone.